Still Learning

Hi, there! Sorry it's been a while since my last post! It's almost been 6 months since my last day of work. I've been staying home with my children for half a year now. I often have people ask me how I like staying home with the kids. This was my dream for 7.5 years, when I went back to work after baby Hayden was born. He was only 6 weeks old. I hated being away from my kids, I felt like I was missing out on so much. I couldn't wait to stay home and play and clean and be the best homemaker ever. So when people ask me how I'm liking staying home, I answer their question with this:

"IS YOUR COMPANY HIRING? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PLEASE, I NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!"

Just kidding.



Well, sort of kidding. I've had people tell me that staying home is hard and I thought to myself, what could be harder than working and being a mother at the same time? I thought this stay at home mom business was going to be easy peasy lemon squeezy.

boy, was I ever WRONG!!

Don't get me wrong, I love not having to leave my kids with someone else all day. We do have lots of fun. But I'm discovering a lot about myself too, and not necessarily good things. I decided to compile a list of things I've learned so far as a stay at home mom. Since it's been 6 months, I have 6 items on my list:

1. I am just like my dad
Fine, I'll admit it. I've never been the best of friends with my dad. He isn't very up front with his emotions and feelings. He often looks grumpy and he isn't the easiest person to talk to. I'm a momma's girl. I struggled a lot with my dad and our relationship when we lived there as Brian finished school. He yelled at my kids a lot (he yelled at me a lot as a child too), he butted heads with my oldest, which really broke my heart. We ended up moving out of their house sooner than planned, largely due to a fight between my father and I. Every time my dad said/did something that made me angry I would swear to myself that I would never be like him.
So it's funny (not really haha funny, but ironic funny) that I am struggling with yelling. I rarely yelled at my children as a working mom. They just weren't with me enough to test my patience I guess. But now, oh boy. I am really struggling with my temper. I am doing a little bit better now, but I have a long way to go. I really enjoyed this book , the author has a lot of suggestions to help you keep your anger in check. This has become my bible.

2. I don't know jack diddly squat about parenting
Maybe I know a little. But when I was working and living with my parents I thought I knew it all. But it was easier, I had help, I had frequent breaks. Being a mom was easy when all I had to do was come home, feed them dinner, bathe them and get them to bed! Now I have to feed them three meals a day, bathe them, supervise them while they play, keep them from killing each other, take them places BY MYSELF, teach them, etc. It's harder than I ever imagined. So I just want to apologize to anyone I might have offended with my sanctimommy-ness.

3. How to take them out in public.
The first couple of outings were a nightmare. I took them to my old work to have lunch with their aunties and see my old coworkers. Without going into details (it's still painful for me to think about), it ended in disaster. I quickly learned I needed to come up with some strategies to keep my hooligans in check. Like at the grocery store, I'm pretty strict about them holding hands or holding on to the cart. We do our shopping at Fry's and Costco, at Fry's they are rewarded with a cookie from the bakery if they behave and at Costco I can contain two of them in the double seated shopping cart and they are entertained by the sample carts. It's still a work in progress going out in public, but I haven't had a disaster like the one at my old work!

4. How to let stuff go.
I am an expert nagger. I will nag and nag and nag. I get in moods where I just can't stop. Get off the couch! stops being so wild! calm down! blah blah blah. The more I nag the worse I feel. I have gotten to the point that when I hear them giggling in the next room I assume they are getting into trouble, which isn't always the case. More recently, I've been trying not to nag at all. I try to stay out of their play time unless they are doing something dangerous. I feel so much better when I'm not constantly on their backs, and I think they like me a little better too.

5. I don't have to be perfect
I know a few people who's spouse complained that their stay at home wife didn't cook and clean a lot. And even now, I feel like people expect stay at home moms to keep a perfectly clean house. I'm not a neat-nick and I am not very motivated to clean. I have tried for 6 months to come up with a routine to keep the house virtually spotless, and every time I fail. Other times, I really want to work on a relationship with the kids, give them one on one time, play with them, do activities with them. I do pretty good at that, but then the house work falls by the wayside. There has to be some sort of balance...but I haven't found it yet. I recently heard a story about a woman who beat herself up over everything she didn't do, but then decided to cheer herself on each time she did something small, like pick up a piece of trash instead of stepping over it, or unloading a dish from the dishwasher, etc. So this is what I am trying to do, I celebrate when I get the dishes washed on the same day, or when I actually vacuum. She called it drops of awesome. Each victory was a single drop of awesome into her bucket of awesome. Those drops add up. I really liked that. I'll have to find a link to the blog.

6. Make memories
I am far from being a "pintrest mom" my idea of a birthday party is cake and gifts with a few games thrown in, and maybe some balloons and a streamer or two. I don't do crafts. Most times my kids play by themselves with their toys. But I'm trying to come up with fun traditions that the kids will talk about when they're older, like slumber party Fridays, or our special family time (I'll explain the traditions later). Or maybe they'll remember making and decorating cookies together, or going to the park down the street every day. As much as I'm a homebody and would rather just let them do their thing, as much as I hate cleaning up after baking together, as much as I hate having them sleeping in the living room during "me time", I enjoy the traditions we're coming up with.

So as you can see, I've learned a few good things. I'm a work in progress. I really do enjoy spending time with my children, it may not be as glorious as I pictured it, but I wouldn't change this for the world!