Yesterday was also a busy day. But I wanted to share this article: A Few Kind Words Changed Everything. A friend posted this on facebook a few days ago. I read it, and to be honest I was mad! I can't believe that someone could do this to a young mom, in church no less! I've spent the last few days thinking about what I would have done in this young mom's shoes. I probably would have told the lady to mind her own business. Being a mom has made me a lot more confrontational than I was before. I know I wouldn't leave because some lady complained about my children. But this young mother chose not to hold a grudge against the lady who rebuked her. Wow. I don't know if I could do that!
"I also still think about the sister who rebuked us. I chose not to take her words personally or hold them against her."I am so bad at holding grudges. At not forgiving. Seriously, I get bitter about the littlest things. You look at me wrong and I might be offended for a week! This is what Elder David A. Bednar said at the end of the story
“You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.”A slightly different situation, but when I was about 7 months pregnant with Melody, Brian and I took the family out to dinner. We chose to go to Texas Roadhouse. For those of you who haven't been there, it's a loud steakhouse that blasts country music and has peanuts all over the wooden floors. For your birthday they bring out a saddle for you to sit on while they sing to you. Not a place you'd go to for a quiet date. We were seated in a booth in the corner of the restaurant. Kahlan, who was just barely two, was really fussy that day. Crying for seemingly no reason most of the time we were there. The waiter had forgotten to bring out coloring pages for the kids. They were a little bored while we waited for our food. Quinn had a horse and a rapunzel that she was playing with. Making rapunzel ride the horse and it "galloped" on the back of our booth. She was also standing up and watching the people around us. Typical for kids her age. She was 3 then. There were two couples in the booth behind us. I caught snippets of their conversations and got the impression that they weren't nice people, and that they were probably drunk. While I was dealing with Kahlan's fussiness, Quinn must have dropped her toy into their booth. One lady turned around and said your child dropped this. I was about to apologize to her when she went off about controlling my kids. I said "You don't need to be so rude about it, she's just a kid and she didn't mean to drop it." Then her friends started telling me that I need to control Kahlan's crying and I said "You need to mind your own business".
Brian was watching videos on his phone with Hayden, oblivious to what was happening. I was mad. And when I'm mad I cry. I told Brian what happened and that I was going to ask to be moved. I went to the hostess, trying to hold back tears and explained what happened. They came back with me to talk to the couples. They went off on the hostess, telling her that they wanted to be moved, and they wanted all new food and dishes and complained about me. The hostess was very kind and as she was moving them the lady who first was rude to me turned to me and called me the nastiest name imaginable. Then the other girl told me I have the most unruly kids she's ever seen. I burst into tears. I have never had a stranger treat me so horribly in all of my life! Many of the people sitting around us, saw what happened and came over to comfort me. The waiters and manager and owner of the restaurant gave the kids toys and icecream and also gave me words of comfort. The couples had been kicked out of the restaurant. I was traumatized and we went home after dinner rather than taking the kids to the mall to play and getting some shopping done. I still get a little nervous taking the kids out in public. Not that my kids have ever been terrible at restaurants, but I'm always more aware of what their doing and try to keep them busy since Texas Roadhouse.
Could I forgive those people? Although the hurt and embarrassment has faded a little, I still feel the sting of those lady's words. I am trying to be forgiving. I know the chances of seeing them again are slim. But I can take what I learned from the experience and try to be kinder to strangers. Smile at the mom in the store with the tantruming toddler. Show support to other moms instead of judging them.
Just 2 weeks ago we were at Red Robin. We were kind of in close quarters with the people next to us. To our right was an elderly couple. I was very nervous about the kids getting too close to them or being too crazy. Oh, but this couple was so sweet. They talked to Quinn and Kahlan. They smiled at me with Melody and complemented me on breastfeeding in public. It was a wonderful experience. And as they left they told Brian and I that we're wonderful parents and our children are well behaved. I gave the lady a hug. I told her that meant so much to me to hear her say that. The title of this article is true. A few kind words can change everything.
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